WITH SYMPATHY
What to say when someone has died
A condolence message cannot make a loss smaller. It can let someone know that their loss is acknowledged and that they do not have to explain or manage your response. A few direct, caring sentences are enough.
From imsorry.ca · Updated September 6, 2026 · Our editorial approach
1. Acknowledge the loss plainly
“I’m so sorry for your loss” is a useful beginning. Use the person’s name if it feels appropriate. You do not need to find an original phrase, explain why the death happened, or look for a positive side. Avoid assuming the recipient shares your beliefs about death.
2. Share a small memory, if you have one
A specific memory can mean more than a general compliment. Describe a welcome, a laugh, or a small kindness you remember. Keep the focus on the person who died and the recipient. Do not invent familiarity or compare the loss to your own experience.
3. Let them choose how to receive support
Ask before visiting, ordering flowers, or sending a keepsake. Some people want to talk; others need practical help or quiet. A concrete offer such as taking out the bins may be useful, but it should not create a new obligation to coordinate, host, or thank you.
4. Keep showing care after the first messages
A later note can be simple: “I’m still thinking of you.” Do not suggest that a few weeks or months should be enough to feel better. If you offer another check-in, make sure it is welcome and something you can follow through on.
A starting point, in your own words
I’m so sorry about your dad. I keep remembering how he made everyone feel welcome at your table. I’m thinking of you, with no need to reply.
Use this as inspiration. Change the details to reflect what actually happened and what you can genuinely commit to.
Turn your words into a free card ↗Browse editable message examples ↗
Gifts and free gestures to consider ↗
Keep reading
What to write in a condolence message to a coworker ↗